By Bart Greenberg***I’ve been reviewing cabaret shows for about 15 years. With an average of 15 shows a month, that comes out to … well, my slide rule is at the cleaners and my abacus lost some of its beads, so you figure it out. But it’s a lot. And I’ve seen some wonderful shows, some pleasant shows, some mediocre shows and some truly 
terrible shows. And I’ve seen some mistakes being made over and over again by both newbies and highly-experienced singers. So I thought I’d list a few here.
Know your space. The cabaret rooms in NYC come in a wide range of sizes and shapes. Some stages are minuscule; some are generous. Some have audiences in front of you, some have them on three sides of you. Adjust your show to the environment. Don’t have five instrumentalists and three back up singers behind you on a platform the size of a postage stamp. Don’t forget to include every member of your audience.
Use your space. Too many performers plant themselves center stage behind a mic stand—and never move. Never. No matter how good a singer you are, it gets static. And static means boring. Move! From one side to the other. From 
the front of the stage to the back. And not just randomly. Let the material dictate your actions.
And if you are a singer-pianist, please get up from behind the instrument at some points. Maybe while you are talking to the audience. Maybe you can also play a guitar, a mandolin or a ukulele for one number. Or get another pianist to spell you for a number or two.
Yes, you need a director. And preferably not someone you are sleeping with. No matter how experienced you are, you need another set of eyes out there in the dark to tell you what works, what doesn’t work, when you should move (yeah, that’s number 2 again), when you are putting your hands in your pockets (don’t), when you are losing focus.
Make your show about something. Cabaret acts that are just a collection of the singer’s favorite songs lose energy quickly. Shows need beginnings, middles and ends. Whether it’s the story of your life, the story of another person’s life, songs about a certain topic, a 
tribute to a state, a country, a body of water, it’s about something. Of course, it still has to be an interesting and unique topic. Or an original approach to a common topic.
Go see other people’s shows. See what works and doesn’t. And see what songs keep cropping up. Also read reviews. Lots of reviews; that can teach you who is doing what. I’ve seen three tributes to the same singer in the same year, and could have seen another three. And they all basically used the same tunestack. Reviewer nightmare. Also, don’t do the same song five other people have done in the last month. There are literally thousands of numbers to choose from; do some research and find another one for the same slot. We’re all still here and we all want to toast here’s to life. Find another composition.
Do not sing to tracks! Ever! For no reason! Yes, the CD you are promoting 
has 101 strings and sounds wonderful. But this is a live event in a room with your live audience. The tracks suck all the energy out of the room. Oh, and unless you are a specific strain of drag performer, don’t lipsynch either.
Pay attention to your patter. Don’t thank your audience for spending the evening with you when your show began at 3 PM. Don’t explain that it hasn’t snowed yet when your audience just walked through 3 inches of sludge (yeah, that happened). We know you memorized your script, but you also need to be in the moment.
Know your lyrics! Do not read them from sheet music. Do not read them from your phone. Yes, Julie Wilson did check out her words toward the end of her career. But she earned the right to. 
You most likely haven’t. Music stands, phones and paper just get in between you and your audience. And you don’t want that.
Dress appropriately. You are in front of an audience. They showed up. So should you, looking like a performer. Not like someone who just stopped by on your way to go bowling. Or to meet up with your friends for drinks. A little flair, a little magic, but at least make sure your shirt is laundered and ironed.
Keep your eye on the clock. Not only is it difficult for a solo performer to keep the energy up for an extended period of time, but it’s also difficult for the average audience member to stay focused. Let’s be honest: there isn’t a cabaret in town that offers seating that remains comfortable after 90 minutes. A show less than 60 minutes seems abrupt and undernourished; a show greater than 75 minutes becomes an endurance test. Please, be kind.
