Are you ready for Kracked Kristmess? It’s ready for you and the Twiizted Sisterz, best known as the cast of the long-running cult hit Distorted Diznee boldly proclaim, “Step aside, Radio City Rockettes!” as these nut-crackers of put their own bawdy spin on the most wonderful time of the year. Highlights of this demented holiday extravaganza include “The 12 Drunks of Christmas,” a twisted take on “Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!” and revel in their reverie, crooning, “I’m Dreaming of a White Trash Christmas…” and much more. See them Friday, December 1 at 10 PM at the Laurie Beechman Theatre where the dragsters have been holding forth with their other doings all year. Tickets are $22. But, wait! There’s more drag and pseudo-drama where that came from.
Case in point: Paige Turner’s Christmas Carol December 1 – 20: Bah, humbug! The “Showbiz Spitfire” is not in the holiday spirit! But when her ghosts of Christmas Past come back to haunt her, this drag diva dons her gay apparel, rings her jingle bells and decks the halls of the Beechman. Join Paige and her merry band of misfits Jackie Cox, Remy Germinario and James Mills in a yuletide evening of live caroling and silly reindeer games! December 1 & 2 at 7 PM and December 19 and 20 at 9:30 PM. Tickets are $22 / $35 VIP.
Shequida: Jessye Normous — One Night Only (Thank God!) Wednesday, December 6: The world’s biggest opera diva (in her mind), returns by popular demand — just in time for the holidays. This “unforgettable night full of hilarious comedy, holiday music, eating and oh, some live opera as wel,” as it is described in publicity, stars the Juilliard-trained nightlife legend Shequida (“America’s Got Talent” / “One Life to Live”) as her larger-than-life alter ego, 9:30 PM. Tickets are $22.
Jackie Beat: A Gay in the Manger. December 8, 9 and 10: Year after year, song after song, this drag legend has waged an oh-so-glamorous “War on Christmas!” This secular soldier has obliterated just about every holiday song ever written, delightfully defiling all that is seasonably sacred! The show continues one of New York City’s most beloved anti-holiday traditions. 7 PM. Tickets are $24.
A Basic B.I.T.C.H Christmas —Sunday, December 10: A brother, a sister and a dirty drag queen take you on a comic and musical journey through the holidays in the irreverent way only they can. “Fire Island’s favorite threesome” Al, Patty and Busted give you their take on all your holiday faves — bringing you parody, lip sync, guitar and pop culture with a twist, sure to warm your cold heart. At this show, nothing is sacred. 4 PM. Tickets are $22.
Alaska: For Heaven’s Snakes! December 13 – 20: Oh by gosh, by golly — it’s time for mistletoe and… your favorite “RuPaul’s Drag Race All-Stars” winner and her holly-jolly mystical ivory-tickler Handsome Jeremy as they make the Yultide gay in this brand new show for 2017. “It promises to put the Christ back into Christmas and warm even the most cold-blooded.” December 13 & 18 at 9:30 PM and December 14, 15, 16, 17, 19 & 20 at 7 PM. Tickets are $25 / $50 VIP.
Courtney Act — Lump of Coal December 13 – 15: Whether you have been naughty or nice, get set for a holly jolly good time as “The Drag Race diva from Down Under has wrapped up all your favorite holiday tunes, as well as a few non-denominational pop favorites, into the best present you are likely to get this season. So fasten the seat belt in your sleigh because this ain’t your mamma’s church choir concert! Mistletoe sold separately.” December 15, 16 & 17 at 9 PM with a special matinee on Saturday, December 16 at 4 PM. Tickets are $24 / $45 VIP.
Sharon Needles — The Nightmare After Christmas December 27 – 30: Post-holiday dieting. New Year’s Eve. The holidays may be over, but there are still plenty of nightmares left with “RuPaul’s Drag Race” favorite who exorcises the post-holiday blues and helps bid a fond farewell to the scariest year in recent memory! Wednesday, December – Saturday, December 30 at 7 PM. Tickets are $23 / $45 VIP.
The Laurie Beechman Theatre is located in West Bank Café at 407 West 42nd Street at Ninth Avenue — accessible from all trains at West 42nd Street. Please note that there is a $20 food/drink minimum at all performances at this venue; a full dinner menu with waiter service is available at all performances. Doors open 90 minutes before curtain time for all performances before 8:30 PM; doors open 30 minutes before all other shows. VIP tickets include reserved seating and a meet-and-greet with the artists. Tickets and information for all of the performances listed here are available at 212-352-3101 or www.SpinCycleNYC.com