Let’s Go to a Virtual Party—So Many of Our Friends Will Be There!

By Marilyn Lester****“Laughter the Best Medicine.” The Reader’s Digest ran this column for years. And it’s true, particularly through the lens of lyricist Michael Colby‘s new “I’ve Been to a Virtual Party,” a take on the Noël Coward standard, “I Went to a Marvelous Party.”

Humor, according to Psychology Today, is “…both a source of entertainment and a means of coping with difficult or awkward situations and stressful events. … From its most lighthearted forms to its more absurd ones, humor can play an instrumental role in forming social bonds (and) releasing tension…”

What’s more, there’s enough evidence to suggest that laughter can improve the immune system. So, as we move through the pandemic and quarantine, have a healthy laugh and a smile with Michael Lavine at the piano and with Michael Colby, who wrote these great lyrics to I’ve Been to a Virtual Party,” printed below the video. Sing along! And smile!

I’VE BEEN TO A VIRTUAL PARTY
(lyric by Michael Colby based on Noel Coward)

I’ve had the most invigorating experience.  And not a moment too soon.  A miraculous, spectaculous light through the dreariest, weariest dusk.

Verse 1:

Quite out of boredom

From toilet roll horde-dom

And washing till raw…

Living in lockdown

Near vodka I knock down,

I reached the last straw.

Reading a book is vain when I jump

Throwing it at T-V’s with Trump.

‘Tis not the RIGHT life

For lovers of NIGHT life,

But I found a way

To cope each day.

Refrain 1:

I’ve been to a virtual party

With Nat-a-lie, Jeff and K-T—

Far from loud, crowded folk,

Where I once used to choke

When the tab left me broke,

This was free!

At three, you could see Linda Lavin,*

     [*(Wednesday alternative:) At three, you could see Stritch and Lavin,]

Folksbeine sang Yiddish at four;

I learned sev’ral tongues in a lecture at five:

Swahili and Sanskrit, Punjabi and Jive,

After that, I saw Patti LuPone’s cellar LIVE.

I couldn’t have asked for more.

Refrain 2:

I’ve been to a virtual party

We might have been nude from waist down.

But there tête-à-tête,

Safe and distant, no sweat,

Come bad breath or foul pet,

Who could frown?

We’d toast to a cheese-free election,

And drink Quarantinis galore.

We facebooked a-like; in emojis we basked;

Sharing where to buy Lysol, we prayed as we asked,

“Please Lord, never let future balls ever be masked!”

I couldn’t have asked for more.

Verse 2

Lives, once in slow-mo,

Now have Andrew Cuomo.

And Internet nights.

True, in pajamas,

I knew the Obamas

Would veto invites.

Still, you are there—in undies or tux—

Rev’lling indoors when outside sucks.

No home invaders,

Just virtu-al seders

In Hollywood Squares.

No time compares.

Refrain 3:

I’ve been to a virtual party.

One hijacked by swear words and porn.

Responding to it,

I expunged ev’ry bit,

Though I have to admit.

I was torn.

Spent hou-rs with Rosie O’Donnell

And out-of-work STARS by the score.

Though weird without makeup, they smile all aglow,

Their hair can be scary, their volume too low;

Though their song may be wrong—as they’re making NO dough—

I couldn’t have asked for more.

Refrain 4:

I’ve been to a virtual Easter,

With dozens of churches on Zoom.

We were not deprived,

Screen-size bunnies arrived,

Even I felt revived

From world doom.

One woman was wearing a bonnet

With hard-boiled eggs down to the floor.

That’s when I went surfing and final-ly played

Astaire beside Garland in EASTER PARADE,

While Ann Miller tapped on—with a wig big and sprayed:

I couldn’t have asked for more.

Refrain 5:

I’ve been to more virtual parties,

And virt-ual-ly always get soused.

We sing unrebuked,

That at least we’re not nuked;

Though we’re cursing and spooked,

We’re well housed!

In China the skies are much clearer;

The Springtime’s in bloom past our door.

I’m talking with MORE friends than I would have guessed,

I have caught up on chores and T-V and my rest;

And with all that to help, when the world’s convalesced,

I couldn’t have asked for more.